


It Get's Better, I think

by AllMyBrokenStrings



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Romance, Bad Poetry, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fanfiction, Happy Ending, M/M, Poetry, Reader-Insert, Realistic, References to Depression, Romance, Teen Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 22:59:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16128497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyBrokenStrings/pseuds/AllMyBrokenStrings
Summary: (Y/n) is a 17 year old boy who think the world is going to end because of murder. Microwaving a butterfly is horrible, yes. But it's not necessarily murder. But he's not convinced of that.





	1. I'm Sorry

_**I'm sorry that I only ever mess things up.** _

(Y/n) was carrying a teacup Pomeranian in his hands as delicate as possible. The small, white, fluffy dog moving restlessly was making (Y/n) nervous since he knew he had butter fingers. He and his father were visiting their neighbors house, since they were giving out puppies for free! (Y/n) had always wanted a dog, but his parents never found the time to look into it. But once he heard the neighbors were giving the puppies away, (Y/n) just _had_ to beg his father to go check them out.

(Y/n) was instantly regretting that, however. Since he accidently dropped the dog on it's head. (Y/n) let out a loud gasp as he tried grabbing the Pomeranian before it made contact with the marble tile floor. But the soft crack when the dog's head made contact indicated that he was too late. (Y/n) let out a sad, panicked scream before dropping to his knees. The neighbors and his father were just as worried. (Y/n) lifted the dog by the head to see blood painting the soft white fur. The Pomeranian wouldn't move, it wouldn't _breathe_.

The sensitive, emotional 16 year old cried as he gently gave the dog to his father before sobbing and running out of the house.

**_I'm sorry that I have a bad attitude._ **

"(Y/n), come and do these dishes please," his father walked into (Y/n)'s room.

(Y/n) was laying on his bed while reading 'The Twisted Ones' from the Five Night's at Freddy's book series.

"Do I have to?" He groaned while sitting up.

"Well," he father furrows his eyebrows, "I would appreciate it if you did."

(Y/n) only sighed before laying back on the bed: "I'll do 'em later."

"No, (Y/n), do them now," his father ordered.

(Y/n) growled under his breath, "If you want them done now, then do them yourself!"

"(Y/n)!" He father called his name in a shocked tone of voice.

"Just leave me alone!" (Y/n) raised his voice.

His dad sighed before closing the door. (Y/n) covered his face with his hand before groaning. _What was that?_

**_I'm sorry I'm a waste of space._ **

(Y/n) turns off the t.v. in the living room as cleaned the coffee table of his trash while making sure his baby sister didn't try eating said trash. His mother was about to have company over, the least he can do is make the living room look presentable.

"(Y/n)! Get your art supplies from the kitchen and put them away please!" His mother pleaded from the kitchen.

(Y/n) put his old papers down neatly on the table before going to the kitchen. He went to the kitchen to see a mess on the dinning table. He sighs before throwing away the color pencil shavings from the table. He then began to neatly stack the used paper and started to put the color pencils in a blue pencil bag. He heard ripping coming from the living-room.

He rushed back, leaving the pencils out and papers disorganized. (Y/n) sees his baby sister rip up all the paper he had together. He didn't care for the drawing he did on them, but she was making a huge mess!

"(S/n)! Stop that!" He shouted as he took the papers away from her.

He takes the papers out of her hand before putting her in her bouncer. She began to cry.

(Y/n) groans as he began picking up the pieces from the floor. Once he got on his knees, he heard the doorbell rang. He sighed, he just had to be messy.

_**I'm sorry I'm a waste of time.** _

"This is the 4th time today (Y/n) had refused to follow the teachers instructions-I'm sorry, was there a place you had to be?" The principal asked (Y/n)'s mother when his mother's phone began ringing again.

"Oh, sorry. Yes, I was supposed to be in at work a few minutes ago. We had a meeting today, but they can wait," his mother reassured.

(Y/n) frowned, feeling bad for wasting his mother's time for his bad behavior. He refused to listen to his teachers because...well, he wasn't going to read in front of the class. Reading in front of an audience was terrifying.

"Why weren't you listening to your teachers?" His mother asked.

(Y/n) was about to answer before his mom's phone rang again. She frowned and only ignored the call.

"Ms. (L/n), if you're busy, then we can reschedule this-"

"No it's fine," (Y/n)'s mother cut the principal off, "My kids come first."

(Y/n) only frowned, he felt horrible.

**_I'm sorry I'm such a burden._ **

"You can't cut my check in half," (Y/n) over heard his father yell, "I need-"

(Y/n)'s parents were seperated, but never married. (Y/n) lived with his father, and visited his mother during school breaks and weekends. His baby sister lived with his mother and step father. Meaning his father provides for him the most.

"Look, you just can't," his dad reasons, "How am I gonna provide for my kid?"

(Y/n) frowns. He was just holding his dad down.

"No! You can't! I'm all he has to support him!" His father tells his boss.

(Y/n) had his mother, but she hardly paid for anything he needed. Maybe... (Y/n) should stop being so... _needy_.

_**I'm sorry I'm such a huge screw up, that I can't do anything right.** _

(Y/n) was waiting patiently for his cue to bring the rings out. After a year, his father was finally getting married to a nice young man. He had asked (Y/n)'s stupid ass to be the ring bearer instead of someone...you know, better. But alas, (Y/n) was waiting until the priest dude to have (Y/n) give the rings out to the groom and groom.

(Y/n) smiled. He didn't know his dad was bisexual-not that he cared, and having 3 dads didn't seem so bad. This could be fun.

"(Y/n). (Y/n)!" The best man whisper shouted.

(Y/n) must've dozed off. Once his name was called, he jumped, causing the rings to fall off the fancy pillow they were on. They rolled as (Y/n) tried catching them before they fell into a small pond the wedding was being held at. But of course, ~~just like with the dead puppy~~ he didn't make it on time.

There was a small plop when the rings fell in, (Y/n)'s cheek got wet with the splash. Staying on his hands and knees in front if the pond, (Y/n) refused to meet his father's eyes. Of-fucking-course this happened at a wedding.

"Haha," his father's soon-to-be-husband laughed, "Who said love had to be bonded with rings. Let's continue."

(Y/n) was grateful that even after the wedding, he wasn't scolded for messing up. But he never felt better about it.

_**I'm sorry.** _

(Y/n) sighs as he finished reading a book called 'Samurai's Garden'. He just hopes it gets better.


	2. I'm Fine

_**I'm a son hiding my depression.** _

"(Y/n), you okay? Why're you smiling at that pop-tart?" His father asked (Y/n).

(Y/n) shook his head before taking a bite out of the strawberry tart: "I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Why not?" His step father asked.

_I was crying till I fell asleep which surprisingly takes longer than you'd expect it to._

"I was drawing," the (blond/brunette/redhead) lied.

"That's gonna be the death of you one day," his step father teased.

_Not unless I do it myself first._

"Nah," (Y/n) shrugged, "It's the only thing keeping me going."

"The...only thing?" His father questioned.

 _Shit._ "That's not what I meant," the (e/c) eyed male spoke with a mouth full.

"Then what did you mean?" His step dad asked him.

"Is everything okay?" His biological father asked right after.

(Y/n) chuckled, "Guys, really. I'm fine. I just meant that an artist's need to work on an idea immediately before they lose their idea. That inspires me to see what the world has to offer so I can paint or draw it."

Technically, he was speaking from the heart there. But that wasn't the full truth. (Y/n) finishes his pop-tart before getting his backpack and car keys.

"I gotta go," he walks to the door, "I promise (S/n) I'd take her to Choices Daycare today."

**_I'm a brother making a good impression._ **

(S/n) was special needs, her having down syndrome made taking care of her a but harder, but (Y/n) couldn't care less. She was still his little sister, he didn't love the 4 year old any less.

"You're gonna be a good girl today, (S/n)?" (Y/n) called her name, otherwise she wouldn't respond.

"YaaaAa," she smiled.

(Y/n) pulled up at the Choices Daycare Center for Adults and Children in Special Needs. The one she attends to was site 1, the main building focusing on children. (Y/n) turns off the car and gets his keys before getting out. He walks to the back to open the door since (S/n)'s door was on child lock. (Y/n) helps unbuckle (S/n)' belt before getting her out the car.

He holds her backpack while softly holding her hand. Any harder and she'll hit him.

"Let's go, (S/n)!"

She doesn't say anything he can make out but he smiles anyways. He holds the door open while (S/n) and himself walk in. There're 3 other kids here already, one of them was one on one.

"Oh, are you her dad?" A male voice asked.

"Nuuou," (S/n) slurs as she points to her backpack.

"Like (S/n), said" he hands her the bag, "I'm not her one of her dads. I'm her brother."

(S/n) walks off to sit with the other kids.

"Oh, well it was nice of you to drop her off," the man thanks (Y/n).

(Y/n) smiles, "Yeah, It's no problem. Take care of her for me, okay? I got to get going," (Y/n) waves to his sister, "Goodbye, (S/n)! I'll pick you up after school, alright?"

She only waves back before (Y/n) walks out the door.

_**I'm a friend acting like I'm fine.** _

"If Jesus can walk on water," (Y/n)'s friend, Leonard, starts, "Can he swim on land?"

His other friend, Lavernius, squints at Leonard, "Bro what?"

(Y/n) only chuckles as he tries to keep up his facáde.

"Hey, what's that one zoo when you pet the animals, and the animals pet you back?" Lavernius asks.

(Y/n) responds, "Isn't it a two-way petting zoo?"

"Yeah," Lavernius snaps his fingers, "We should go there sometime, (Y/n)-"

"-Dude!" Leonard points to a reptile on the lunch table they were sitting at, "It's a fucking lizard!"

"Bitch, that's a Komodo Dragon!" Lavernius scolds as if that was what it was.

Leonard laughs, "Oh, true."

"Guys, it's too early for vine references," (Y/n) sighs as he holds his head up with his left hand.

Lavernius looks at (Y/n) with concern, but decided to keep quiet.

Leonard scoffs, "It's never too early for vine. What chu talking about?"

(Y/n) fake laughs, "Bitch, I guess you right."

_**I'm a teenager pushing his tears aside.** _

"What's stranger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives?" The English teacher reads the book to the students, "Who were you trying to be?"

"In your dreams," the teacher continues, "It'll feel like you're dying all the time. And when you wake, it'll feel as if you have a kaleidoscopic mind. You never meant to hurt them. You never meant to lie. So it'll feel like a goodbye."

"It's just a sad part of life," (Y/n) says out loud, "You're hiding what you're feeling but you'll get tired of holding it inside your head."

"How is that relevant?" Another student asks

"Just because your eyes don't tear up," Lavernius says, "Doesn't mean your heart doesn't cry."

**_I'm the boy sitting next to you._ **

"Pst, Lavernius. Lemme see your eraser," (Y/n) whispered to the male next to him.

Lavernius smiled before handing the eraser over to the (e/c) eyed teen.

"You know, we should live together when we graduate," Lavernius says suddenly.

(Y/n) furrows his eyebrows, "Isn't that gay though?"

"It's not gay, it's economics," Lavernius responds.

(Y/n) sighs, "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

_**I'm the one asking you to care.** _

"Hey, I'm serious. I'm not in the mood," (Y/n) angrily states before putting his head down on the table.

Lavernius, Leonard, and (Y/n) were in the library showing each other memes. Leonard and Lavernius tried getting (Y/n) into it, but he wasn't having it.

"Dude, what's gotten into you today?" Leonarf scoffed before checking his phone.

"Maybe if you cared enough to ask me-"

The Sophomore sighed before grabbing his backpack: "-My dad is here. I'll see you guys later."

(Y/n) only rolled his eyes.

"Hey man," Lavernius spoke once Jeno left the school's library building, "You okay?"

**_I'm your best friend hoping you'll be there._ **

(Y/n) looked at Lavernius, "I just...I don't know..."

(Y/n) wanted his friends to care. He wanted them to ask if he was okay. And now that his best friend is doing that, he doesn't know what to say.

"I noticed you've been down lately, but I didn't know if you were comfortable talking about it. So I decided against saying anything." Lavernius scratched the back of his neck.

"I'm not really the best in these subject, I try my best to stay optimistic, and I know saying 'It gets better' won't help. But just know, I'll be here," Lavernius gives off a nervous smile.

(Y/n) grins and playfully punches his shoulder, "I'm fine," he decides on lying, "But I'll take your offer when I need it."

He lied, but it doesn't mean he's not grateful for the offer.


	3. Help Me

**_Your fading like a picture I took long ago._ **

He misses it.

**_My memories are slipping and I might let them go._ **

But he's starting to forget about it.

**_Your figure is gone from behind my eyelids._ **

He can't seem to remember how it looked like anymore.

**_The memories of us are gone when we were kids._ **

They weren't childhood friends, but it was close with him.

**_I didn't have to be a certain age to know pain._ **

He might be at the ripe young age of 17, but (Y/n) feels as though nothing in life is worth seeing anymore.

**_At only 10, I was already going insane._ **

The memories flooding in as he remember the murder he committed when he was a child.

**_Or, are you only in my dreams?_ **

He doesn't dream about it, but he can see it. As if it were a background character.

**_I think this means more than it seems._ **

It was a symbol, wasn't it? The symbol of death?

**_Something tells me this is not a fantasy._ **

_God, I really did that. Didn't I?_ He thought solemnly as he replayed his childhood memories.

**_I think I'm slowly losing my sanity._ **

_I can't believe..._

**_Help me._ **

**_Help me, I lost everything._ **

I can't believe I microwaved a butterfly!

**_Help me_ **

**_Help me, everything is gone._ **


	4. Mask

**_I wake up with a dull light in my eyes._ **

(Y/n) thinks he woke up happy today. He doesn't remember dreaming of anything, but the sleep was....never mind.

For maybe about 5 seconds, (Y/n) wakes up and he feels...so peaceful. Until the memories start rushing in. Until he remembers who he was. Until he remembers what he's done. What emotional abuse he put himself through over the years. He feels so content with himself when he wakes up.

But then the memories begin to flood into his tinted mind.

 _This is complete bullshit._ He thought to himself as he gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom.

_**Light bags under my eyes showing the lack of sleep, most likely permanent to my skin.** _

(Y/n) stares at himself through the mirror, frowning as the bags under his eyes became more evident. He doesn't remember dreaming of anything, so he can't blame his lack of sleep on a nightmare. He ran out of art supplies and new books a few days ago, so he couldn't say he stayed up late.

It was strange, he falls asleep at 9:30pm and wakes up at 7:00am. That's plenty of sleep. But he still wakes up tired as balls. (Y/n) can sleep for a whole day and wake up the next one still tired. He should maybe see a doctor about his hypersomnia.

But what's the point?

_**I'm trying to find the joy of just waking up this day.** _

_**But no luck.** _

Not a lot of people can get up from their bed. Not a lot of people can just wake up all willy nilly.

Where depression makes you....just not care. Not care about getting out of bed. Not care about eating. Not care about showering. Not care about school or work. Depression makes (Y/n) just not care about anything.

Anxiety on the other hand, is the complete opposite. It makes (Y/n) care too much. If he doesn't get out of bed, he will miss his classes. If he miss his classes, he'll fail. If he fails, he won't be able to go into the art school he desperately wants to go to.

But all the people at the high school...he may be a Senior, but he will never get used to all the kids there. And that makes him want to stay home too.

It's a constant battle between depression and anxiety. Most days anxiety takes over. But then again, depression seems stronger a lot of days too.

_**I try to wash away my regrets with a shower, but I never scrub hard enough.** _

He tries letting go of the past. But all that happens is regret. Thinking how things could have gone, or should have been. Wishing his mistakes never happened. Or what he thinks were mistakes.

People he wish he never met. And friends he wish he never made. Or people he wished he had to the courage to talk to. And the classmates he wanted to befriend, but never made the effort to talk to them.

The friend he wish he could've saved. She's still around, but not in the head. He regrets not talking to her. Or rather, regrets being too scared to bring it up.

If he known how to save a life, he probably still wouldn't use that skill. Even if he knew best. She would've listen to him. She would've admit to everything. But instead, she'll never be the same all thanks to him.

**_I make sure to wear my mask._ **

People are so shocked to see his true self. Not that he's surprised himself. Everyone wears a mask. There was a time when it came that (Y/n) couldn't remove his mask without removing some of his own skin. His mask wasn't him, but it became a part if him. (Y/n) forgets who he is sometimes with his mask.

It has come to a point to where he reminds himself that just because he acts strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. He knows he's made a wrong turn once or twice, but he tries to forget that.

**_It looks almost exactly like m_ ** **_e._ **

He's a great actor. He knows. You wear mask, soon you become what you pretend to be.

**_The only difference is the smile I force myself to wear before I greet the day._ **

His mask was made to look like him. To hide his sadness, his fears, his insecurities, his flaws, and his failures. Do they love him, or the mask he wears?

He doesn't have time for this. He has his mask now, he needs to get to school.


	5. If I'm Being Honest

_**"I don't think you can ever realize how much a little thing can hurt me."** _

(Y/n) says with pain.

Today in English, the students were told to write a poem about an emotion they're unfamiliar with and make it seem that, that emotion is something they're an expert about. (Y/n) has dealt with a lot of feelings in his time, so thinking of one was hard.

_**"I can't believe it got to the point where I can finally say I'm used to it."** _

He decided to write about unrequited love. He understood the concept. Most of his friends been through it. But not him.

_**"You don't know how hard it is to pretend I don't love you."** _

Aside from the fact he had his crushes like him back, he hardly found someone to like. Let alone, love. What was the point of love? It was horrible. It hurt. The more you love, the more you're setting yourself uo for heartbreak.

_**"I wish I can stop wasting my time thinking about you."** _

Recently though, he's been really confused about someone else's feelings for him. (Y/n) thinks that...Lavernius might like him. He doesn't know if it's because he's noticing every small bit of attention he's recieving from Lavernius. Or if it's because he's so self involed he thinks everyone likes him.

_**"Sometimes I think that I actually mean something to you, when I really don't."** _

And don't get him wrong, (Y/n)'s not homophobic, and he doesn't care if his friends are gay. But he's scared of breaking his best friends heart. The man means everything to the (blond/brunette/redhead). But not the same way Lavernius feels for (Y/n).

_**"But your forever's are just too different than my own."** _

He could try and learn to like him back. But he would just be lying to himself and his best friend. He wasn't going to pity date him, either. He had too much respect for the brunette. But he doesn't know what to do.

_**"We have different ideals. We...are different."** _

After class, Lavernius pull (Y/n) aside.

"You know, don't you?"

(Y/n) stared, "I...yeah, I do."

"And," Lavernius gives a nervous chuckle, "That poem...it was your way of turning me down, right?

(Y/n) frowned, "I....I just...I'm no-"

"-Don't. Okay?" Lavernius cuts him off, "Just...don't."

"I did-I didn't mean anything by it! It meant-"

"-What? It meant nothing?" Lavernius growls.

(Y/n) stayed quiet. Too scared to fuck this up anymore.

"God," Lavernius scoffs, "That almost makes it worse! Does anything ever mean anything to you?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sor-" (Y/n) tries again but Lavernius is having none of it.

"Don't apologize. Then I'll just feel worse for jot forgiving you..."

They're both quiet for a while.

_**"You're someone I can't live without, but you're also holding me back,"** _

Lavernius says, raking his hand through his soft hair.

"I want to stay friends. But please," (Y/n) pauses, "Don't change on me."

Lavernius chuckles,  _ **"It's funny, when you're absent, I'm the first to notice."**_

He places a hand on (Y/n)'s mop of (h/c) hair. They both smile.

_**"But you wouldn't even notice if I were to disappear forver..."** _


	6. It Just Started To Fall Apart

_**"It just started happening.** _

**_I can't tell you when because I don't remember._ **

**_I can't tell you why because I don't know._ **

**_I just woke up one morning, and I just felt weak._ **

**_I tell people that I'll be fine but I feel that tomorrow won't be any better._ **

**_I tell everyone to be strong knowing I'm the weakest one in the group._ **

**_No one understands what's going on inside my head and I Can't Explain It._ **

**_I want to be strong, I really do, but I can't help but cry because I don't think things will get better._ **

**_My emotions are everywhere and mixed so I can't pinpoint or seperate my problems._ **

**_I say I don't want to talk about it, but in reality I really do._ **

**_But I'm afraid of your reaction._ **

**_I'm afraid that you'll never see me as an equal again._ **

**_I'm afraid of the pity in your eyes when you realize how screwed up I am._ **

**_So just stop saying 'Just be happy'._ **

**_You think that I chose to 'Just be depressed'?_ **

**_It just started happening."_ **

**_~(Y/n) (L/n)_ **

The English teacher stared at written poem from her favorite student's work. Mrs. Mark had (Y/n) for her last class and she was glad she got to meet someone as bright as (Y/n). But she guesses he's not bright in the way she hoped he was.

She had her fair share in depression when she was a teen. It took longer than expected to get better. She doesn't want everyone else to feel what she did.

Turning the paper, she sees a second poem.

_**I held on to you because...well because I cared about you.** _

_**My hands are getting tired and everyone is telling me to let go.** _

_**I want to forgive you for not catching me when I fell.** _

**_But I guess that was my fault._ **

**_For teaching you I came second by always putting you first._ **

**_But I wouldn't want to change that._ **

_**Even if the good I do for you today may be forgotten tomorrow.** _

**_I'd still do good anyways._ **

**_And it may never be enough._ **

**_But I'll give it my best anyways._ **

**_I'm still broken though._ **

**_My delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you really are._ **

**_And now my heart beats cold._ **

**_It's a mistake I made, but I still won't ever let you go._ **

**_Does that make me selfish, needy, or just plain stupid?_ **

**_Maybe all of them._ **

**_-_-_-_-_ **

_**I love the things you hate about yourself.** _

_**I came all this way to give you all these things but you arent even looking.** _

_**You said you were afraid to lose me and then you faced your fears and left.** _

**_And now everyday I fight back the urge to go talk to you._ **

**_Telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would._ **

**_~(Y/n) (L/n)_ **

Mrs. Mark sighs. The poems were great. But...if she were to give (Y/n) an F, she knew he would come to ask about it. It was the only window she has to comfort him.

Mrs. Mark gives him an A+.


	7. Indestructible

_**What screws me up most in life is the picture of how it was supposed to be.** _

The problem with (Y/n)'s life is that he sets himself up for expectations that are impossible to reach. Goals that will be hard to achieve. He was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to be the one other's ran to. He was suppose to be... _normal_.

But he can't even have that, can he? He's not looking for an "And they lived happily ever after". (Y/n)'s just looking for "And they lived".

It's only been a brief while since his socialization with life commenced and yet already he has been made apolitically cognizant of life, redolent as it is of a turd getting steamed in a sewer1.

_**The difference between you and me, is that when you wake up, your nightmare ends.** _

Being forced to live in this hellish place everyone calls a world. The people are shit, and that's really just about it.

_**In my head, you can see me drowning.** _

Nobody thinks what he thinks. Nobody sees what he sees. Nobody understands what he's going through. Nobody understands how he functions. They might of gone through something similar. But nobody knows what it's like for him.

_**But you won't see me struggling.** _

Are you searching for a purpose?

Sometimes he wonders if there's things he'll never answer. But what if he did have all the answers? Would he live forever happy with his triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just an enemy that once destroyed, will leave him without a reason to live on?

But (Y/n) guesses that it doesn't matter what the answer is. Because even if supreme knowledge did bring the end to him, the idea of keeping it is just what will help him all together.

_**You can't see my pain.** _

He's his own catastrophe. He's a bit on the edge right now. He never meant to disappoint anyone.

_**And you can't see my scars.** _

No one is dealing with his demons. Not the exact same ones anyway.

_**Let's keep it that way.** _

He'll see his purpose start to surface. 

_**It makes me look indestructible.** _

* * *

1\. My Hero Academia


	8. To Win A Broken Heart

_**Winning means being accomplished.** _

(Y/n) couldn't stop staring at Lavernius from across the lunch table outside. Leonard wasn't here today, so it was just him and Lavernius. He thinks it's because now that he knows Lavernius likes him, he feels as though if he should at least try to like him back. At first, he was against the idea of forcing love on himself. But now, (Y/n) can't stop himself from doing it voluntarily. Maybe he's just feel as though his relationship with his best friend has changed a but, and he just really misses him.

That, or it could be the way Lavernius's soft, black, short dreads just bounces when he makes just the slightest movements. Or the way his aqua-blue eyes just shine even on the dullest days. Or the way his dark skin just seem so clear 24/7. Or the way his smile seems to make (Y/n)'s heart squeeze, and the butterflies in his stomach flutter like crazy.

Nope...... _UGGGGHHHHH_ DIFFIDENTLY THE FIRST ONE! HE JUST MISSES HIS BEST FRIEND!

Lavernius glares at (Y/n): "Why the hell are you staring for?"

_**Losing means being a failure.** _

"Um, I...what?" (Y/n) was staring.

"Look, just...I said it was cool, okay? Can you just...stop acting so weird?" Lavernius sighs.

(Y/n) violently shook his head while flushing a bright pink, "NONUNUNUNU! Sorry, I was spacing out. I guess I was choosing you to space out on."

Lavernius chuckles, "Sure you weren't just thinking I looked pretty?"

(Y/n) scrunched up his face is fake disgust, "God, no."

Lavernius winced, "Geez thanks. I was only kidding."

_Fuck._

"Well...so was I...?" (Y/n) hesitated on telling the truth.

Lavernius only frowns, "Stop pretending already."

_**Out of what I have learned so far, life** _ _**is simply a competition.** _

(Y/n) frowns in return, "I'm not lying when I said I was kidding, dude."

Lavernius shakes his head, "Well, then just stop anyway. You're way better looking. Alright?

_What? With my (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes? Compared to his?_

"What? No way! I-"

"-Well, I clearly wasn't enough to get you! So just....SHUT UP!" He angrily cuts me off.

_**It's a competition of staying alive.** _

(Y/n) bites his lip. _Should I go for it?_

"I think I lik-"

"-No. You don't," Lavernius scoffs.

_**A competition of getting good grades or jobs.** _

And why the hell not?" (Y/n) angrily asked.

"You just don't alright? You think you like me because I like you," Lavernius runs his hand through his hair, "You don't like me."

(Y/n) gets angry, "Recently, for the past 2 months, I was always excited to say hello to you."

(Y/n)''s lightly blushes, "And been reluctant to say goodbye."

Lavernius smiles nervously, "I don't think that-"

"-I think I like you." (Y/n) cuts his off.

_**There is no such thing as "passing" or doing a "personal goal".** _

Lavernius looks to his right to avoid prolong eye contact: "I don't think so."

(Y/n) frowns, "I like you! So let me learn to love you, damn it!"

Lavernius sighs, "Do what you want. I want icecream."

(Y/n) grins, getting up with Lavernius to hold his hand. Lavernius' face turns red.

"Let's go together.... _bae_ ," (Y/n) teases.

"You're incorrigible," Lavernius mutters while walking to the cafeteria.

"Jokes on you, Bitch," (Y/n) states proudly, "I don't know what that means."

_**It's just not real, not** _ _**feasibly possible.** _


	9. I Know It's Hard...

_**There's no shame in falling down. The true shame is to not stand up again.** _

(Y/n) finally got a puppy. His father had been nice enough after a good amount of convincing to get him a blue eyed Husky.

(Y/n) was carrying the teacup Husky in his hands as delicate as possible. The small, white and gray, fluffy dog moving restlessly was making (Y/n) nervous since he knew he had butter fingers. He was visiting his neighbors house, since last time he saw them, he killed their dog by accident. (Y/n) had always wanted a dog, but he knew that they deserved the Husky.

(Y/n) knocked on the neighbors door with his elbow. Too scared to not use both of his hands to hold the dog. A little girl answers the door and grins when she spots the puppy.

"He's so cute!" She giggles.

(Y/n) smiles, "She's actually a girl. You wanna hold her?"

The girl nods her head in excitement as he hands her the dog. She was more delecate with the dog then he was, and it made him smile.

"You want to keep her?" (Y/n) asked her.

Before she can answer, he interrupted, "What's your name first?"

She gives him a grin, "It's Elestria. And yes! I want her!"

He smiles, "I'm (Y/n), by the way. Take care of her."

"Thank you, so much!" She thanks him before closing the door.

"Mom! Dad!" He hears through the door as he walks away, "A nice boy gave me a dog!"

**_Life is all about challenges, so don't worry if it gets too hard._ **

"Road work ahead " (Y/n) says as he, Leonard, and Lavernius drives to Wal-Mart, "Uh, yeah I sure hope it does."

Leonard laughs, "Dude that's the first I heard you call out a vine refernce in a long ass time.

(Y/n) only chuckles, "Yeah. Well, I realized I've been kind of a downer recently, so I don't know."

"Hey, I get it man. And I guess I should apologize. I've been kind of a dick lately to," Leonard admits.

(Y/n) responds, "I guess we both gotta work on ourselves a bit, huh?

"Yeah," Lavernius snaps his fingers, "We should go to Couple's therapy but for bros sometime, (Y/n)-"

"-Dude!" (Y/n) interrupts, "That'a gay though!"

"Bitch, so? You're gay!" Leonard scolds.

(Y/n) laughs, "Excuse you, you uncultered swine! I am bisexual!"

"Dude! It's the same shit," Leonard jokes with his friend.

(Y/n) chuckles, "Oh, truue!"

_**Just be yourself, your original is worth more than a copy.** _

(Y/n) wake up happy today. He doesn't remember dreaming of anything, but the sleep was great.

For maybe about 5 seconds, (Y/n) wakes up and he feels a bit bitter. Until the memories start rushing in. Until he remembers who he was. Until he remembers what he's done. What emotional support and help he put himself through over the last few months. He feels so content with himself when he wakes up now.

And when the memories begin to flood into his mind....

 _This is going to be a good day._ He thought to himself as he gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom.

_**You don't need to change, you're not alone.** _

(Y/n)'s not sure when it happened, but he's haply that he figured out that he was bisexual. In the beginning, he was scared of breaking his best friends heart. The man means everything to the (blond/brunette/redhead). And now he care for Lavernius was the same way Lavernius felt for (Y/n).

At first, he didn't try and learn to like him back. Convinced he would just be lying to himself and his best friend. He wasn't going to pity date him, since he had too much respect for the brunette. But now, (Y/n) is happy that it just happened on it's own.

_**The road isn't ending just yet.** _

-_-_-_-

_**To love someone, you have to care about them.** _

_**To love someone, you have to be invested in them.** _

_**To love someone, you have to respect them and their boundries.** _

_**To love someone, you have to learn to accept them for them.** _

_**To love someone, you have to make sure they know they're wanted.** _

_**To love someone, you have to want their attention, and give them yours.** _

_**To love someone, you have to know that they're the one.** _

_**To love someone, you have to tell them it's going to last forever.** _

_**To love someone, you have to love them more than you love yourself.** _

_**I'm so happy I found that love.** _

The English teacher stared at written poem from her favorite student's work. Mrs. Mark had (Y/n) for her last class and she was glad she got to meet someone as bright as (Y/n). And now she knows that he's bright in all the ways she hoped he was.

She had her fair share in depression when she was a teen. It took longer than expected to get better. She doesn't want everyone else to feel what she did. She's so happy that he got better.

_**If you're falling, you'll have someone there to catch you.** _

The problem with (Y/n)'s life is that he used set himself up for expectations that were impossible to reach. Goals that would be hard to achieve. He was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to be the one other's ran to. He was suppose to be... _normal_.

And now he finally had that. He wasn't looking for an "And they lived happily ever after". (Y/n)'s just looking for "And they lived". But life decided to give him a break for once.

Being forced to live in this hellish place everyone calls a world. The people are shit, and that's really just about it. But now he thinks...It's not _so_ bad.

_**I know it's hard, but don't give up.** _

(Y/n) couldn't stop staring at Lavernius from across the lunch table outside. Leonard was here today, but he had other friends, so it was just him and Lavernius. At first, he was against the idea of forcing love on himself. But now, (Y/n) can't stop himself from doing it voluntarily. Maybe he's just feel as though his relationship with his best friend has changed...a lot.

That, or it could be the way Lavernius's soft, black, short dreads just bounces when he makes just the slightest movements. Or the way his aqua-blue eyes just shine even on the dullest days. Or the way his dark skin just seem so clear 24/7. Or the way his smile seems to make (Y/n)'s heart squeeze, and the butterflies in his stomach flutter like crazy.

Lavernius glares at (Y/n): "Why the hell are you staring for?"

(Y/n) smiles warmly, "Go to prom with me."

Laverinus gives him a beautiful, heart warming smile, "Of course. But, not a lot of people will be hally to see us together. People suck about people like us."

(Y/n)'s smile doesn't falter, "It Gets Better, I Think."

_**There's** _ _**no shame in trying again.** _


End file.
